A Moment to Remember Read online

  As Milly folded the newspaper and tucked it into the drawer in the dresser, she hoped that if her father had a made a few shillings today that would put him in a good mood—that was if he didn’t stop off at the public house and spend it all on drink before he got home.

  But when he returned home later that afternoon, he was clearly in a foul temper. Although he’d had a few hours’ work and been to the pub, he was annoyed when they threw them out. He must have been trying to scrounge drinks, Milly thought.

  ‘If you can spare a few coppers for Milly to pop out and perhaps get some potatoes, I can make a meal,’ said Ivy, smiling up at him.

  He searched his pockets and threw tuppence on the table. ‘And don’t waste it. I’ve bin working bloody hard all morning for that pittance.’

  Milly grabbed her thin coat from off the nail behind the door and hurried down the street. As it was late in the afternoon she hoped that she would find something the shopkeeper wanted to get rid of.

  She was in luck. First she went to the market and managed to get a few potatoes and carrots, then, as the butcher was taking in his wares, she heard him talking to the young lad who worked for him on the stall outside the shop.

  ‘Might have ter throw out those scraps. Can’t see anybody wanting ’em now, seeing as how they’ve been out all day.’

  ‘How much do you want for ’em?’ asked Milly as she stood and watched the boy bundling up the sad pieces of meat.

  The butcher looked at her. ‘Give us a penny.’

  Milly could have hugged him. Tonight they were in for a treat.

  ‘You must be hard up to buy that lot,’ said the butcher’s boy.

  Milly tossed her head. ‘It might be for me dog.’

  ‘I’ve seen you a few times and you ain’t got no dog.’

  ‘Come on, Jack, stop talking ter the girls and get this lot inside.’

  As Milly walked away, the young lad gave her a wink. That made her smile and put a spring in her step. Today was her lucky day. She had some meat to boil up, and with a few veg, that would make them a lovely warming broth. Her thoughts went back to the butcher’s boy. He had said he had seen her before, and he’d winked at her. He was rather nice-looking, with a ruddy face, a shock of ginger hair and a cheeky grin. She would have to go and see him again.

  Jack worked mostly on the stall outside the shop, and since the day she’d bought the scraps, whenever Milly walked past he called to her. One day she stopped, and found him very nice; easy to chat to, just like Dan and Billy. She was buying a few bones to boil up when Jack looked around, then cleared his throat.

  ‘Fancy coming out termorrer? We could go to the zoo or somethink.’

  Milly blushed. He wanted to take her out. ‘I’d like that, I ain’t ever been to the zoo, but I can’t.’

  ‘There’s no such word as can’t; you can do anyfink if you make up your mind. Look at me: I wanted to go to work and learn a trade. Not bad for a kid wot was born in the workhouse. I know you can’t go out to work, cos of yer poorly mum.’

  Milly smiled. When she had told him that her mother never went out, he thought that she must be ill. ‘I would really like that. My mum went there once and told me all about it.’

  ‘Well that’s it then.’

  ‘I’d love to, but I have to help me mum. My little sister’s got the croup and Mum’s up day and night putting bread poultices on her poor little chest.’ Over the brief time they had talked, she knew she could tell him anything.

  ‘I ain’t taking no fer an answer. You come here tomorrow and then you and me will go ter see the animals.’

  ‘I’ll ask me mum.’

  ‘Right. I’ll see yer at nine.’

  Milly smiled to herself as she walked away. Jack wanted to take her out. It would be lovely if she could go. This might be a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

  ‘So could I, Mum?’ asked Milly when she told Ivy what Jack had said.

  ‘I don’t know. Your father wouldn’t be happy about it and you could be gone all day. Besides, poor Helen needs a lot of care, and don’t forget your dad will be home and there’s the others to see to. Then there’s your homework. The factory will want that lot back on Monday. I’m sorry, Milly, but I can’t give you a hand, not with Helen so poorly.’

  ‘I know,’ said Milly. She went into the outhouse to put a pan of water on top of the fire. How could she go and leave her mother to cope? All she wanted was something out of life like Jack. She so admired him for going out in the world and getting a job. He had told her he had a future and was going to make something of himself.

  Many times she wished she could go out to work instead of helping her mother with the children. She had never told Jack that she was doing homework, sewing on buttons. The pay was very poor and she couldn’t always finish the order on time. Sometimes she worked late into the night, till the gas ran out and they didn’t have any pennies to feed the meter and it was too dark to see. Why did life have to be so cruel?

  The following day when Milly woke up, the sun was streaming through the thin piece of material that served as a curtain. What a lovely day to go to the zoo. She sat up and looked at the other children, who were all still asleep under their odd assortment of bedding. She knew that she would go to the zoo with Jack. Carefully she stood up and stepped over them.

  ‘Where you going?’ whispered Dan.

  ‘To the lav,’ Milly said softly.

  ‘What’s the time?’ asked Billy.

  ‘Shh. Keep your voice down,’ said Milly. ‘I thought I heard the church clock chime six.’

  ‘Come on, Dan, we’ve gotta get up.’

  Dan and Billy carefully manoeuvred themselves between the sleeping children.

  In the outhouse, Milly put a pan of water on the stove. ‘Go and get some wood, Dan, I need to get the fire going.’ The sun shining had helped to make up her mind. She would worry about the outcome later.

  ‘We don’t want any tea,’ said Billy, pulling on his boots.

  ‘I ain’t gonna make tea,’ said Milly. ‘I’m gonna have a wash.’

  ‘Why? You going out?’ asked Billy.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Where’re you going, Mil?’ asked Dan.

  ‘The zoo. Where’re you two going?’

  ‘Just out scrounging, down under the railway arches.’

  ‘Who yer going with, Mil?’

  ‘Jack.’

  ‘Who’s this Jack? Does Mum know about him, and what—’ Dan didn’t finish what he was saying.

  They had all their backs to the door and were taken by surprise when their father came into the outhouse.

  ‘What’s all this then? What you lot doing up?’

  ‘We’re gonna get some wood before everyone else does,’ said Billy defiantly, looking straight at his father.

  ‘What about you, miss?’ He quickly pushed past Milly. ‘I’ll talk ter you when I git back.’

  Milly stood silently and looked at his back as he rushed outside to the lav.

  ‘What you gonna do, Mil?’ asked Dan, looking very worried.

  ‘I dunno. I didn’t think he’d be up yet.’

  ‘Look, why don’t you come with us now?’ Billy stood at the door, ready to go.

  ‘I can’t.’

  ‘Why not?’ asked Dan.

  ‘I wanted to make meself look nice.’

  ‘Why?’ asked Billy.

  ‘Jack’s from the butcher’s, and he asked me to go out with him.’

  ‘Christ,’ said Billy. ‘Don’t let the old man hear that, otherwise you’ll be in for a right pasting and so will Jack. Come on, Dan, let’s scarper, ’fore he comes out the bog.’

  Dan looked at Milly. ‘Please come with us.’

  ‘I can’t.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Mil,’ he said, and with that they both left.

  It was no use her going off with the boys now that her father had heard about their plans. But just how much had he heard? She stood terrified, waiting for him to come back.

  Cha
pter 3

  IVY HELD HER daughter close. The young girl’s sobs were racking her body. She looked up at her husband. ‘Why did she need punishing, Arthur?’

  ‘Did you know she was planning to go out with some boy?’

  Ivy slowly shook her head. ‘Just that she wanted to go to the zoo.’

  Milly looked up at her mother, but could see the fear in her eyes.

  ‘She said she was going orf with ’im. She don’t ’ave ter go to the bloody zoo, there’s enough animals round ’ere.’ He had a smug look. ‘I heard ’er and the boys talking before they scarpered. Would ’ave thought she’s got better fings ter do round ’ere than stand gawping at a load of animals.’

  Milly’s sobs slowly subsided and she raised her head again. How could her father think this way?

  ‘What yer got to say fer yourself, then, girl? Yer turning inter a right trollop. Not surprised, it runs in the family.’

  Milly buried her head in her mother’s lap again.

  ‘Come on. Speak up.’ He dragged her up by her arm, making her wince with pain.

  ‘Milly, for goodness’ sake answer your father.’

  He was still holding on to her arm, and now he pushed his face into hers. His dark eyes were narrowed and menacing.

  ‘I just wanted to go to the zoo,’ she said softly between sobs.

  ‘What about this boy?’

  ‘He asked me to go with him and I didn’t think it would do any harm.’

  ‘Well yer fought wrong, didn’t yer?’

  Milly nodded.

  ‘Arthur, I think Milly’s been punished enough.’

  ‘You would. I’m going out, and I’ll be back when I’m good and ready.’ He took his jacket from off the nail, put his cap on his dark hair and left.

  Milly waited till she heard the front door slam, then she jumped to her feet. ‘How could you?’ she shouted at her mother.

  Ivy Ash looked at her daughter in amazement. Milly had never spoken to her like this before.

  ‘Why did you let him hit me like that?’

  ‘I’m so sorry, Milly, but what could I do? He’s a very strong man.’

  ‘You could have said you knew I was going out and didn’t mind.’

  ‘And what good would that have done?’

  Milly shrugged. She knew her mother was as afraid of him as she was. ‘What did he mean when he said it runs in the family?’

  ‘Nothing. I don’t know what he’s talking about.’

  ‘If I knew where Auntie Doris lived, I’d run away.’

  Ivy Ash looked up with horror on her face. ‘You wouldn’t leave me, would you?’

  Milly slowly shook her head. She knew her mother was a weak woman who couldn’t stand up to her husband. What if she did leave and he injured her, or worse still, in one of his rages he . . . Milly couldn’t even bear to think about that.

  ‘Please, Milly, I beg you. Please don’t leave me.’

  ‘Why are you so afraid of him? Why don’t you leave him?’

  ‘Where would I go?’

  ‘We could go and find Auntie Doris.’

  ‘And who would want to look after a penniless woman with eight children?’

  ‘Billy and Dan and me can look after ourselves.’

  ‘But what about Helen? She’s such a poor helpless little thing. You know we could all finish up in the workhouse.’

  Milly couldn’t answer her mother; she knew it was hopeless.

  For the rest of the day Milly was very subdued, and she went about her chores with a heavy heart.

  That evening she was in the outhouse when the boys burst in laughing and pushing each other.

  ‘Did you go out, Mil?’ asked Billy.

  She shook her head. ‘No.’

  ‘Why didn’t you go?’ asked Dan. ‘What’s wrong?’

  Milly wiped the tears that had trickled down her cheeks with the bottom of her overall. ‘He was listening at the door when you was asking me who I was going with.’ She gave a heart-rending sob. ‘He took his strap to me for wanting to go out with Jack.’

  Billy’s face filled with fury. ‘D’you know, I’ll swing fer that bloke one of these days.’

  ‘Billy. You mustn’t talk like that.’

  ‘What did Mum have to say about all this?’ asked Dan.

  ‘Not a lot really. I said I wanted to run away and find Auntie Doris, but she begged me not to. She’s really afraid of him.’

  ‘I know,’ said Dan.

  Milly was deep in thought. They knew they couldn’t do anything about the situation. Not yet.

  ‘We’ll do somethink about it one of these days,’ said Billy, as if reading her thoughts.

  Milly gave him a weak smile.

  That night as Milly lay on the mattress looking at the red stains on the wall where the bed bugs had been squashed, in her imagination she could see patterns. She was trying hard to sleep but her thoughts kept returning to her mother. What if she did leave home and got a job so she could send money back to Ivy? That way her mother could lead a better life without the fear of the workhouse. But what sort of job could she get to earn that kind of money?

  In the next room Ivy Ash was also awake, trying to think of ways to make life better. Why had Arthur turned out like this? Things had been so different all those years ago. Her sister was always coming to see them after they got married, and they would all laugh and joke together. Then, when Ivy was expecting Milly, Arthur began to change. She always thought it was something to do with her sister, but she could never find out what. When she asked Doris if she knew anything, she flew into a rage and had never been to see them since. Was Arthur angry about all the children he had to support? It wasn’t her fault that she kept having babies. If only she could stop. Many times she had been tempted to go and see the woman who was supposed to be able to help women like her, but she had been afraid her husband would kill her if he found out. In his strange way he always loved the babies when they were first born, but was that because he was proud of what he’d done?

  He turned over. Please God, Ivy prayed silently. Don’t let him demand his rights again tonight. She was worried that she could find herself with yet another baby next year.

  It was November the tenth and Milly’s birthday. Today she would be fourteen. Only her mother would wish her happy birthday. She had never had a present or cake. It must have been lovely to have a cake with candles on it.

  Upstairs the Bookers were preparing to move out; they were going over the water to the Isle of Dogs. Her father was in a rage over it and everybody tried to keep out of his way.

  ‘How we gonna manage, Mum?’ asked Milly.

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Please tell me where Auntie Doris lives so I can go and ask her for help.’

  ‘I can’t.’

  ‘Why are you so proud?’

  ‘It’s a very long story. Besides, I don’t know where she lives.’

  ‘Do you think we might be able to get another lodger to help with the rent?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  Milly wanted to shake her mother. She just sat in her own world and seemed to have lost interest in all that was going on around her. Milly picked up Helen and tried to soothe her. She was such a poorly baby, who cried a lot. She knew she had to go out and get something for them to eat. She looked at little Iris, who was four and was sitting on the floor rocking backwards and forwards. She had sores round her mouth and was permanently wet.

  ‘Pammy, could you keep an eye on Helen for me? I must go and try and get some bread.’

  Pammy, who was seven, looked up at her with her big blue eyes. ‘All right,’ she lisped as she wiped her runny nose with the back of her hand. ‘But don’t be too long.’

  Milly wanted to cry. They were such a sorry-looking bunch. What would become of them all?

  As she wandered round the market, like the other snotty-nosed kids Milly was looking for anything that got tossed away. There was so much poverty all around her, children without shoes and ragge
d hand-me-down clothes. She was miserable and so full of her own thoughts that she didn’t hear Jack calling her.

  ‘Blimey, you look down in the dumps. What’s up?’

  With that Milly burst into tears.

  ‘ ’Ere, steady on. It can’t be that bad, can it?’

  ‘Today’s me birthday and I’m so miserable.’

  ‘I can see that. Look, hang about, and when I’ve packed up I’ll take yer fer a cuppa. How’s that sound?’

  She gave him a tear-stained smile. ‘I wish I could, but I’ve gotta get back. The kids want their tea.’

  ‘Look, Mil, I know things are bad at home, but I’m sure it will be all right one day. You wait and see.’

  As much as she wanted to stay with Jack, she knew she would have to go. ‘I’d better get on home.’ As she picked up the bag holding half a loaf, a few potatoes and some speckled apples, Jack put a few meatballs in a paper bag and tossed them in too. ‘Jack.’ She looked quickly around. ‘You mustn’t do that. You’ll get the sack.’

  ‘No, it’s all right. I’ll spin old Percy a line.’

  ‘I can’t take them.’ She held them out to him, but he grabbed her arm.

  ‘I said leave it. Call it a birthday present. Now go on.’

  She walked away, then turned mouthing her thanks. Jack was such a nice boy. She really would like to go out with him. After the day they were supposed to go to the zoo, he said he’d waited an hour for her and was disappointed when she didn’t turn up. She never told him how her father had hit that day. She still winced at the thought.

  Chapter 4

  EARLY ONE MORNING, two weeks after Milly’s birthday, Ivy Ash’s screams woke everybody. Milly lay terrified in the silence that followed. What had happened? Had her father hit her mother?